I am annoyed. My 7 year-old son has begun frequently yelling at his sisters, my 4-going-on-44-year-old is becoming bossier than me, and horror of horrors, I swear I caught my 9 year-old ruffling her feathers and giving me an eye roll! It is clearly time to reinstate our point system which has fallen by the wayside of late.
Here’s how it works: Everyone starts with 5 points. Each child can earn points for “good” behavior and lose points for “bad” behavior. The goal is to reach 30 points at which time that child chooses from a list of non-material rewards, for example a “date” with Mom or Dad, ice cream in the middle of the afternoon, Kids Cook Night, make cookies, etc. (no money or purchases).
If someone gets to 0 points then they must miss the next bi-weekly class ski/swim trip (during the school year), or they must choose a random chore from the chore basket (summertime).
We keep a list of sample point-gaining behaviors and point-losing behaviors posted on the wall next to the point chart. The children and I came up with the list together so they have ownership of the consequences of certain actions. The list is not definitive and I am the final decision-maker as to when a point is earned or deducted.
The system is flexible. For example when I got tired of all three children having “bad dreams” and ending up in my bed every single night, I started the policy that they would lose a point for every night they came into bed with me and earn a point for every night they stayed in their own bed. That didn’t work, so I changed it to losing 2 points for coming into bed with me but earning 1 point for staying in their own beds. Like magic, the “bad dreams” disappeared! (Note: Of course if they REALLY have a bad dream, they can still come to bed with me – for free. Like most mothers, I can tell when the need is real.)
Advantages:
- Flexible to suit changing behavioral goals.
- Not entirely negative/punishment based. The system rewards positive behavior.
- Easy to keep track: I track all points on a dry erase board hung on the pantry wall.
- Does not rely on money, allowances or material goods as an incentive or punishment.
- I can spontaneously say “Go give yourself a point” when I observe (or am told of) a random really kind or helpful behavior.
- Sorry, but in my house this is NOT a democratic process. I am the final judge, jury and arbitrator of points, rewards and sentences, (although the children can make recommendations or defend themselves).
What do you do to maintain order?
A few more Halloween candy ideas:
- Send it to troops overseas for them to pass out to local children. For more info, go to the Operation Gratitude website, but basically just send your candy (plus an optional but very welcome $11 to cover the cost of shipping overseas) before December 8th to:
Operation Gratitude/California Army National Guard
17330 Victory Boulevard
Van Nuys, California 91406
ATTN: Charlie Othold
You can also send it anytime to Operation Shoebox at this address:
Operation Shoebox
8360 E Highway 25
Belleview, FL 34420
(Keep in mind that soft or chocolate candy might not travel so well, especially to a hot climate.)
- Find a local dentist who is participating in a Halloween Candy Buyback program. Participating dentists give your kids $1/pound of candy and then they send it to troops overseas! Go to the Halloween Candy Buyback website to do a zipcode search for participating dentists in your area. Consider encouraging your children to donate their dollars to a charity that interests them.
- Some food pantries, soup kitchens and homeless shelters accept candy. Be sure to call first to find out if yours wants it.
- Buy inexpensive cellophane party favor bags and make pretty little candy packages. Tie the top with a scrap of ribbon or yarn and donate them to your local charitable thrift store for them to sell. Great stocking stuffers for someone!
- Of course you can always do a Candy Bank too, and then use one of these ideas as the final destination for your traded candy!
Get your Candy Bank ready, it’s Halloween tomorrow!
If you are unsure about what to do with an influx of massive amounts of candy into your house, then read on.
If your children are young (younger than maybe 4 or 5?) you can probably get away with the “Hide It and They’ll Forget About It” method.
If you have older children, take it from me, that will not work. Either let them have it all in moderated doses (and “lose” a few bits here and there and hope they don’t notice), or try a Candy Bank.
We have a jar into which all extra candy is put (as well as any junky little toys that somehow show up). We use it throughout the year for birthday party candy, but Halloween is where it really comes in useful.
Once the Candy Bank is full, the kids get money for charity in exchange for the candy. The first time I did this, I let them each choose a small present in exchange for the candy. Ever since then, I have given them $10.00 collectively to donate to a charity of their choice.
I like that it goes to charity (rather than just more junk to fill the house) and I also like that they must agree amongst themselves as to how the money will be applied. I can only hope that this will encourage a lifetime of negotiation and cooperation!
There it is. The Enchanted Bookshelf. It looks pretty ordinary, doesn’t it? And believe me, it is not usually that tidy. Despite its modest appearance, this humble bookshelf has been key in inspiring my 7 year-old son to read.
The bookcase is right next to his bed, within arm’s reach. He doesn’t even have to get out of bed to pull a book off the shelf. I keep it well-stocked with a varied supply of books of different degrees of difficulty.
Obviously I make sure that there are many books at his reading level. I also throw in some that are more difficult in order to pique his interest and tempt him to challenge himself. I add a few that are below his level for those days when he wants to breeze through an old favorite. I’d rather have him read something a little easy on occasion, than read nothing at all. On the bottom shelf I put a few big, heavy kids’ encyclopedias and books with lots of photographs that are fun and interesting to leaf through.
The shelf’s spell has brought my son’s reading level from barely Bob Books
last fall to beyond the Magic Tree House Series (by Mary Pope Osborne) in just one year. In fact he recently devoured Vacation Under the Volcano
non-stop and proudly announced that he has now read all 28 books in the original Magic Treehouse Series. For the last few nights, he has read The Children of Noisy Village
(by Astrid Lindgren). Now he appears to have moved on to Lindgren’s Pippi Longstocking
, which is one of the more challenging temptations on the shelf.
If you want to give this a try, here are some tips:
- Shelf must be within arm’s reach of bed and preferably facing the bed so the titles are easily visible.
- Vary the reading level. Most books should be at your child’s current level, plus some more difficult books, and some easier books.
- A basket of children’s magazines on the top is a nice touch and adds even more variety to the reading selections.
- Don’t let the shelf stagnate. Keep restocking with new books as your child’s skills improve.
- If there is a TV in your child’s room, get rid of it so reading is the ONLY available activity in bed! (Plus, the electromagnetic waves from the TV will suck all the magical energy out of the Enchanted Shelf. :-) )
Today was the first day back to school for my oldest two (9 and 7), and they were VERY excited. OK, OK, so was I (choirs of angels and all that).
The two of them were up early and dressed before I even managed to open an eye. By the time I had dragged myself reluctantly out of the shower (I am NOT a morning person) they had already made their own breakfasts and packed their own lunches.
What?? My heart sank when I heard they had packed their lunches. This was new, and entirely their idea.
Of course I immediately inspected their lunch boxes expecting to see cookies, chips and goldfish crackers, plus perhaps even some candy that had been squirreled away somewhere. What would you have packed in your lunch at that age?
However I was shocked to find that they had actually done a good job! There was leftover pasta (kept warm in thermoses), sugar snap peas, apples, yogurt, and…one Oreo each. I could live with that.
I plan to continue this self-packing of the lunch, and hope it does not fall by the wayside as school becomes less easy to wake up early for.
One less job for me is good. I am a lazy mom.
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