Is it a new DVD player? A subscription to People magazine? A case of anti-aging miracle pills? What could say “I love you Mom” more than a miracle weight-loss drink or anti-stretch mark cream?
(By the way, these examples are extracted from actual Mothers’ Day gift suggestions that I received via email at Unplug Your Kids from eager marketers!)
No.
THIS IS THE PERFECT MOTHERS’ DAY GIFT:
All real moms will understand. (Take note marketers.)
Happy Mothers’ Day!
PS. This was my actual gift from my 4 year-old this year, presented with great ceremony!
One benefit of no TV that had never occurred to me when I began this experiment after the birth of my daughter nine and a half years ago, is the lack of exposure to “sexy teens!” I am shocked sometimes when I see how some teens and tweens, dress and act. I really am not a conservative person, in fact I consider myself to be quite liberal, but I do believe that 9 year-old girls are emotionally girls and NOT women. What ever happened to childhood?
Some might think it backward (please don’t flame me), but I am SO relieved that my 9 1/2 year-old daughter still believes in Santa and the Tooth Fairy. She still plays dress-up and fairies with her little sister and like-minded friends. She is not on Facebook, nor has she ever expressed a desire to be. Don’t berate me for “stunting” my daughter’s social and technological development. Believe me, I am sure she will “develop socially” as soon as those hormones hit her system! She also knows how to use a computer just fine thank you.
There are certainly many factors involved. Her stage of physical development, her personality, and the fact that she attends a very small Montessori School all surely play a role. But I do truly also believe that part of the fact that she has not yet become interested in “popular teen culture” is that she is not exposed to TV shows and commercials that cause her to emulate those behaviors.
My good friend friend Wishy just sent me a link to a review of an interesting-sounding book by Leonard Sax, the author of Boys Adrift: The Five Factors Driving the Growing Epidemic of Unmotivated Boys and Underachieving Young Men
. His new book is about girls: Girls on the Edge: The Four Factors Driving the New Crisis for Girls-Sexual Identity, the Cyberbubble, Obsessions, Environmental Toxins
. I urge you to read the review and see what you think.
Meanwhile, I hope that my little girls stay little girls for as long as they need to.
Book Recommendations, Everything Else!, TV, TV-free kids, adult books, marketing and kids, musings, other, parenting ponderings
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advertising & kids, behavior, Leonard Sax, sexualization
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Lately I have been extremely impressed with my 7 year-old son’s Lego-building skills. Homework completion however, has reached an all time low.
Lately I have been extremely impressed with my procrastination skills. Mandatory Boring Tasks completion however, has reached an all time low.
+++++
He sat ALL AFTERNOON at his desk with homework in front of him reading books.
I sat ALL AFTERNOON at my computer with bills, bank statements and half finished snail mail letters in front of me fiddling about (not very “unplugged” of me).
+++++
Wouldn’t you think that my son could just come up with a simple poster about a book he loved
(we’re not talking 200-page PHD dissertation here).
Wouldn’t you think that after 20 years of intense homework I’d be able to buckle down and write my long overdue letter, an essay for a contest, or even update my pilot logbook (that used to be my obsession in the old days when I wanted to be an airline pilot).
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I think my son is struggling with his first experience of being overwhelmed and behind.
I think I am struggling with a mid-life Mom Crisis of not being sure of my role in life besides that of laundry and cooking machine.
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Excuses, excuses, excuses.
I am annoyed. My 7 year-old son has begun frequently yelling at his sisters, my 4-going-on-44-year-old is becoming bossier than me, and horror of horrors, I swear I caught my 9 year-old ruffling her feathers and giving me an eye roll! It is clearly time to reinstate our point system which has fallen by the wayside of late.
Here’s how it works: Everyone starts with 5 points. Each child can earn points for “good” behavior and lose points for “bad” behavior. The goal is to reach 30 points at which time that child chooses from a list of non-material rewards, for example a “date” with Mom or Dad, ice cream in the middle of the afternoon, Kids Cook Night, make cookies, etc. (no money or purchases).
If someone gets to 0 points then they must miss the next bi-weekly class ski/swim trip (during the school year), or they must choose a random chore from the chore basket (summertime).
We keep a list of sample point-gaining behaviors and point-losing behaviors posted on the wall next to the point chart. The children and I came up with the list together so they have ownership of the consequences of certain actions. The list is not definitive and I am the final decision-maker as to when a point is earned or deducted.
The system is flexible. For example when I got tired of all three children having “bad dreams” and ending up in my bed every single night, I started the policy that they would lose a point for every night they came into bed with me and earn a point for every night they stayed in their own bed. That didn’t work, so I changed it to losing 2 points for coming into bed with me but earning 1 point for staying in their own beds. Like magic, the “bad dreams” disappeared! (Note: Of course if they REALLY have a bad dream, they can still come to bed with me – for free. Like most mothers, I can tell when the need is real.)
Advantages:
- Flexible to suit changing behavioral goals.
- Not entirely negative/punishment based. The system rewards positive behavior.
- Easy to keep track: I track all points on a dry erase board hung on the pantry wall.
- Does not rely on money, allowances or material goods as an incentive or punishment.
- I can spontaneously say “Go give yourself a point” when I observe (or am told of) a random really kind or helpful behavior.
- Sorry, but in my house this is NOT a democratic process. I am the final judge, jury and arbitrator of points, rewards and sentences, (although the children can make recommendations or defend themselves).
What do you do to maintain order?
Today was the first day back to school for my oldest two (9 and 7), and they were VERY excited. OK, OK, so was I (choirs of angels and all that).
The two of them were up early and dressed before I even managed to open an eye. By the time I had dragged myself reluctantly out of the shower (I am NOT a morning person) they had already made their own breakfasts and packed their own lunches.
What?? My heart sank when I heard they had packed their lunches. This was new, and entirely their idea.
Of course I immediately inspected their lunch boxes expecting to see cookies, chips and goldfish crackers, plus perhaps even some candy that had been squirreled away somewhere. What would you have packed in your lunch at that age?
However I was shocked to find that they had actually done a good job! There was leftover pasta (kept warm in thermoses), sugar snap peas, apples, yogurt, and…one Oreo each. I could live with that.
I plan to continue this self-packing of the lunch, and hope it does not fall by the wayside as school becomes less easy to wake up early for.
One less job for me is good. I am a lazy mom.
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