Comments (6)

By Mom Unplugged, February 9, 2010 7:21 pm

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Lately I have been extremely impressed with my 7 year-old son’s Lego-building skills.  Homework completion however, has reached an all time low.

Lately I have been extremely impressed with my procrastination skills.  Mandatory Boring Tasks completion however, has reached an all time low.

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He sat ALL AFTERNOON at his desk with homework in front of him reading books.

I sat ALL AFTERNOON at my computer with bills, bank statements and half finished snail mail letters in front of me fiddling about (not very “unplugged” of me).

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Wouldn’t you think that my son could just come up with a simple poster about a book he loved
(we’re not talking 200-page PHD dissertation here).

Wouldn’t you think that after 20 years of intense homework I’d be able to buckle down and write my long overdue letter, an essay for a contest, or even update my pilot logbook (that used to be my obsession in the old days when I wanted to be an airline pilot).

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I think my son is struggling with his first experience of being overwhelmed and behind.

I think I am struggling with a mid-life Mom Crisis of not being sure of my role in life besides that of laundry and cooking machine.

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Excuses, excuses, excuses.

Comments (17)

By Mom Unplugged, January 13, 2010 4:14 pm

I am annoyed.  My 7 year-old son has begun frequently yelling at his sisters, my 4-going-on-44-year-old is becoming bossier than me, and horror of horrors, I swear I caught my 9 year-old ruffling her feathers and giving me an eye roll!   It is clearly time to reinstate our point system which has fallen by the wayside of late.

Here’s how it works:  Everyone starts with 5 points.  Each child can earn points for “good” behavior and lose points for “bad” behavior.  The goal is to reach 30 points at which time that child chooses from a list of non-material rewards, for example a “date” with Mom or Dad, ice cream in the middle of the afternoon, Kids Cook Night, make cookies, etc. (no money or purchases).

If someone gets to 0 points then they must miss the next bi-weekly class ski/swim trip (during the school year), or they must choose a random chore from the chore basket (summertime).

We keep a list of sample point-gaining behaviors and point-losing behaviors posted on the wall next to the point chart.  The children and I came up with the list together so they have ownership of the consequences of certain actions.  The list is not definitive and I am the final decision-maker as to when a point is earned or deducted.

The system is flexible.  For example when I got tired of all three children having “bad dreams” and ending up in my bed every single night, I started the policy that they would lose a point for every night they came into bed with me and earn a point for every night they stayed in their own bed.  That didn’t work, so I changed it to losing 2 points for coming into bed with me but earning 1 point for staying in their own beds.  Like magic, the “bad dreams” disappeared!  (Note:  Of course if they REALLY have a bad dream, they can still come to bed with me – for free.  Like most mothers, I can tell when the need is real.)

Advantages:

• Flexible to suit changing behavioral goals.
• Not entirely negative/punishment based.  The system rewards positive behavior.
• Easy to keep track:  I track all points on a dry erase board hung on the pantry wall.
• Does not rely on money, allowances or material goods as an incentive or punishment.
• I can spontaneously say “Go give yourself a point” when I observe (or am told of) a random really kind or helpful behavior.
• Sorry, but in my house this is NOT a democratic process.  I am the final judge, jury and arbitrator of points, rewards and sentences, (although the children can make recommendations or defend themselves).

What do you do to maintain order?

Comments (20)

By Mom Unplugged, September 2, 2009 7:44 pm

True Confession: My 9 year-old daughter is the only girl on her AYSO soccer team without cleats.

She wants cleats because every other girl on her team has them.  In fact, nearly every other girl on her team shows up with a full duffel back of gear. My daughter arrives clad in sneakers and shin guards, carrying only a water bottle.

Even the coach seemed surprised when she said on the phone before the first practice “make sure she brings her cleats” and I asked if sneakers were OK.  (Yes, they were.)

We can afford cleats, but I won’t buy them.  I told my daughter that if she loves, loves, LOVES soccer this season and really, really, REALLY wants to play again next year, that I will get her cleats then, if she still wants them.

She seems resigned to that, but now I am the one obsessing about cleats.  Last Saturday at the soccer field I took an informal visual survey and I would say that pretty much ALL the kids over 7 had them.  I also saw quite a few of the younger ones with them too, even a few 5 year-olds.

Is it just me, or is this odd?  They all have snazzy uniforms (cute though) and every child gets a personalized trophy at the end, whether they won or not, whether they even showed up or not.  That’s all included in the price to sign up.  I’ll save my thoughts on that for another post one day.  Let’s focus here on “sports gear.”

This is not the World Cup.  It’s not even school team sports.  These are young children running around a soccer field every Saturday having fun (hopefully).  Why on earth would a 9 year-old or younger, casual player need cleats?

Am I observing the success of sports gear marketing?  Is it just another example of our modern consumer culture and “the need to have?“  Perhaps cleats are more important to a 9 year-old’s soccer career than I can possibly fathom as a non-jock?  Will my daughter be warped for life because her crazy Mom wouldn’t let her have any at age 9?  These are the questions I currently ponder throughout my day.

For now however, until I see true commitment to the sport, she’ll be in sneakers. (But…see follow up below)

NOTE:  Please read the comments for some more knowledgeable explanations about the value of cleats!  Thank you!!!

FOLLOW-UP:

Thanks so much for all the great information!  It’s unanimous!  I am glad to see that this is NOT a case of marketing excess and we are off to find some cleats before the next game.  My daughter will be pleased.

Plus, next season I think I’ll be setting up a cleat exchange table at the start of the season.  Kids grow so fast that I am sure there are families buying new cleats every year, especially without siblings as a source of hand-me-downs.  What a waste of money and perfectly good cleats that someone else could use!

Photo courtesy of Wikipedia

Comments (7)

By Mom Unplugged, August 24, 2009 10:55 pm

Today was the first day back to school for my oldest two (9 and 7), and they were VERY excited.  OK, OK, so was I (choirs of angels and all that).

The two of them were up early and dressed before I even managed to open an eye.  By the time I had dragged myself reluctantly out of the shower (I am NOT a morning person) they had already made their own breakfasts and packed their own lunches.

What?? My heart sank when I heard they had packed their lunches.  This was new, and entirely their idea.

Of course I immediately inspected their lunch boxes expecting to see cookies, chips and goldfish crackers, plus perhaps even some candy that had been squirreled away somewhere. What would you have packed in your lunch at that age?

However I was shocked to find that they had actually done a good job!  There was leftover pasta (kept warm in thermoses), sugar snap peas, apples, yogurt, and…one Oreo each. I could live with that.

I plan to continue this self-packing of the lunch, and hope it does not fall by the wayside as school becomes less easy to wake up early for.

One less job for me is good.  I am a lazy mom.

Comments (16)

By Mom Unplugged, January 7, 2009 7:18 pm

My littlest baby is now three.  A “big girl.”

On Monday, just three days after her third birthday, she was scheduled to have her first day of Montessori preschool.  After 8 and a half years of  continuous togetherness with one child or another, I was REALLY looking forward to that first miraculous day of school for the last one, and the promise of several hours of solitude.

My imagination soared:  loud music in the house (and NOT “The Itsy Bitsy Spider”), a good book, maybe even a trip to the bathroom without an audience!

But when I awoke on that much anticipated morning, what should I see out my bedroom window:

Snow.  Lots of snow.

Mom of the Year Moment:  Was my first thought of the day – “Oh, look at the lovely snowy scene!”

No.  My first thought was:  “OH NO – A SNOW DAY!!”

I had waited three years for this first day of school and it was going to be a Snow Day!  Serves me right doesn’t it?  The cruel irony of it all.  I just wanted to put my pillow over my head and go back to sleep.

In fact it turned out to merely be a two hour delay, what a relief!

Despite my excruciating Mom Guilt over the depth of my joy on my baby’s first day of school, I was able to pull myself together enough to rock-out in the kitchen to some extremely loud music, unsuitable for children.

I can now set all guilt aside since it turns out that she loves school, and I love my mornings alone.  So far, we both seem to be benefiting from the arrangement!