Birthday parties don’t have to involve a depressing influx of cheap, unwanted (at least by parents!), commercial toys.  If you can convince your children that family gifts suffice, you might be able to turn that excess of birthday party gift generosity into birthday giving generosity.

I really believe that children are charitable by nature.  They just need to be taught about the needs of others and encouraged to engage in charitable work and giving.  My hope is that this will help create more sensitive and socially conscious adults.

My 9 year-old daughter has enjoyed charity birthday parties for many years now.  I already wrote about her first Humane Society birthday party (she has had several of these and one of her friends is doing it now too).  After a few more years of charity parties, I now have more ideas to share with you.

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Today’s idea is the Kids-in-Need Stuffed Animal Party.

One year my daughter had a birthday party where she asked the guests to each bring one, new (tags on) stuffed animal to take to our local hospital Emergency Room.  They give them out to very sick or injured children who come in and need a little extra comfort.

I am such a proud mama when I say that she came up with this idea entirely on her own.  My sister is a physician in our local Emergency Room and having visited her aunt there, my daughter knew that they handed out stuffed animals.

In keeping with the stuffed animal theme, our party craft was stuffing our own animals with easy and inexpensive kits that I bought on Amazon.  The kids LOVED this!  My intention was that they add their animals to the donate basket, but this proved to be very unpopular and every single child elected to keep their animal (including my children).  That’s OK, at least they had fun and went home with a much-loved party favor.

TIPS:

• Make sure you check with your local Emergency Room first to see if they would even want stuffed animals, and if so, what kind.  Ours wanted tags on and no buttons or other things that could be pulled off to become choking hazards.
• Police and Sheriffs also sometimes carry stuffed animals in their cars to comfort any children they meet in accidents or other bad situations.  See if your local law enforcement departments might be interested, and what they would want.
• Based on experience, I recommend that the donated animals “disappear” after the party or younger family members might start falling in love with them!

(More ideas to come!)

I am annoyed.  My 7 year-old son has begun frequently yelling at his sisters, my 4-going-on-44-year-old is becoming bossier than me, and horror of horrors, I swear I caught my 9 year-old ruffling her feathers and giving me an eye roll!   It is clearly time to reinstate our point system which has fallen by the wayside of late.

Here’s how it works:  Everyone starts with 5 points.  Each child can earn points for “good” behavior and lose points for “bad” behavior.  The goal is to reach 30 points at which time that child chooses from a list of non-material rewards, for example a “date” with Mom or Dad, ice cream in the middle of the afternoon, Kids Cook Night, make cookies, etc. (no money or purchases).

If someone gets to 0 points then they must miss the next bi-weekly class ski/swim trip (during the school year), or they must choose a random chore from the chore basket (summertime).

We keep a list of sample point-gaining behaviors and point-losing behaviors posted on the wall next to the point chart.  The children and I came up with the list together so they have ownership of the consequences of certain actions.  The list is not definitive and I am the final decision-maker as to when a point is earned or deducted.

The system is flexible.  For example when I got tired of all three children having “bad dreams” and ending up in my bed every single night, I started the policy that they would lose a point for every night they came into bed with me and earn a point for every night they stayed in their own bed.  That didn’t work, so I changed it to losing 2 points for coming into bed with me but earning 1 point for staying in their own beds.  Like magic, the “bad dreams” disappeared!  (Note:  Of course if they REALLY have a bad dream, they can still come to bed with me – for free.  Like most mothers, I can tell when the need is real.)

Advantages:

• Flexible to suit changing behavioral goals.
• Not entirely negative/punishment based.  The system rewards positive behavior.
• Easy to keep track:  I track all points on a dry erase board hung on the pantry wall.
• Does not rely on money, allowances or material goods as an incentive or punishment.
• I can spontaneously say “Go give yourself a point” when I observe (or am told of) a random really kind or helpful behavior.
• Sorry, but in my house this is NOT a democratic process.  I am the final judge, jury and arbitrator of points, rewards and sentences, (although the children can make recommendations or defend themselves).

What do you do to maintain order?

A few more Halloween candy ideas:

• Do science experiments with it!  (Be sure to click the link – I LOVE this website, it is such a nerdy, Mom Unplugged thing!)

• Send it to troops overseas for them to pass out to local children.  For more info, go to the Operation Gratitude website, but basically just send your candy (plus an optional but very welcome $11 to cover the cost of shipping overseas) before December 8th to:

Operation Gratitude/California Army National Guard
17330 Victory Boulevard
Van Nuys, California 91406
ATTN: Charlie Othold

You can also send it anytime to Operation Shoebox at this address:

Operation Shoebox
8360 E Highway 25
Belleview, FL 34420

(Keep in mind that soft or chocolate candy might not travel so well, especially to a hot climate.)

• Find a local dentist who is participating in a Halloween Candy Buyback program.  Participating dentists give your kids $1/pound of candy and then they send it to troops overseas!  Go to the Halloween Candy Buyback website to do a zipcode search for participating dentists in your area. Consider encouraging your children to donate their dollars to a charity that interests them.

• Save it to use on a holiday gingerbread house.  Check out the Flickr Gingerbread House Showcase for inspiration.

• Some food pantries, soup kitchens and homeless shelters accept candy.  Be sure to call first to find out if yours wants it.

• Buy inexpensive cellophane party favor bags and make pretty little candy packages.  Tie the top with a scrap of ribbon or yarn and donate them to your local charitable thrift store for them to sell.  Great stocking stuffers for someone!

• According to this article in the Wall Street Journal Online, some Ronald McDonald Houses accept candy donations.  Call your local Ronald McDonald House to find out.

• Of course you can always do a Candy Bank too, and then use one of these ideas as the final destination for your traded candy!

Get your Candy Bank ready, it’s Halloween tomorrow!

If you are unsure about what to do with an influx of massive amounts of candy into your house, then read on.

If your children are young (younger than maybe 4 or 5?) you can probably get away with the “Hide It and They’ll Forget About It” method.

If you have older children, take it from me, that will not work.  Either let them have it all in moderated doses (and “lose” a few bits here and there and hope they don’t notice), or try a Candy Bank.

We have a jar into which all extra candy is put (as well as any junky little toys that somehow show up).  We use it throughout the year for birthday party candy, but Halloween is where it really comes in useful.

Once the Candy Bank is full, the kids get money for charity in exchange for the candy.  The first time I did this, I let them each choose a small present in exchange for the candy.  Ever since then, I have given them $10.00 collectively to donate to a charity of their choice.

I like that it goes to charity (rather than just more junk to fill the house) and I also like that they must agree amongst themselves as to how the money will be applied.  I can only hope that this will encourage a lifetime of negotiation and cooperation!

There it is.  The Enchanted Bookshelf.  It looks pretty ordinary, doesn’t it?  And believe me, it is not usually that tidy.   Despite its modest appearance, this humble bookshelf has been key in inspiring my 7 year-old son to read.

The bookcase is right next to his bed, within arm’s reach.  He doesn’t even have to get out of bed to pull a book off the shelf.  I keep it well-stocked with a varied supply of books of different degrees of difficulty.

Obviously I make sure that there are many books at his reading level.  I also throw in some that are more difficult in order to pique his interest and tempt him to challenge himself.  I add a few that are below his level for those days when he wants to breeze through an old favorite.  I’d rather have him read something a little easy on occasion, than read nothing at all.  On the bottom shelf I put a few big, heavy kids’ encyclopedias and books with lots of photographs that are fun and interesting to leaf through.

The shelf’s spell has brought my son’s reading level from barely Bob Books last fall to beyond the Magic Tree House Series (by Mary Pope Osborne) in just one year.  In fact he recently devoured Vacation Under the Volcano non-stop and proudly announced that he has now read all 28 books in the original Magic Treehouse Series.  For the last few nights, he has read The Children of Noisy Village (by Astrid Lindgren).  Now he appears to have moved on to Lindgren’s Pippi Longstocking, which is one of the more challenging temptations on the shelf.

If you want to give this a try, here are some tips:

• Shelf must be within arm’s reach of bed and preferably facing the bed so the titles are easily visible.

• Keep it well-stocked.

• Vary the reading level.  Most books should be at your child’s current level, plus some more difficult books, and some easier books.

• A basket of children’s magazines on the top is a nice touch and adds even more variety to the reading selections.

• Don’t let the shelf stagnate.  Keep restocking with new books as your child’s skills improve.

• If there is a TV in your child’s room, get rid of it so reading is the ONLY available activity in bed!  (Plus, the electromagnetic waves from the TV will suck all the magical energy out of the Enchanted Shelf.  :-)  )

Today was the first day back to school for my oldest two (9 and 7), and they were VERY excited.  OK, OK, so was I (choirs of angels and all that).

The two of them were up early and dressed before I even managed to open an eye.  By the time I had dragged myself reluctantly out of the shower (I am NOT a morning person) they had already made their own breakfasts and packed their own lunches.

What?? My heart sank when I heard they had packed their lunches.  This was new, and entirely their idea.

Of course I immediately inspected their lunch boxes expecting to see cookies, chips and goldfish crackers, plus perhaps even some candy that had been squirreled away somewhere. What would you have packed in your lunch at that age?

However I was shocked to find that they had actually done a good job!  There was leftover pasta (kept warm in thermoses), sugar snap peas, apples, yogurt, and…one Oreo each. I could live with that.

I plan to continue this self-packing of the lunch, and hope it does not fall by the wayside as school becomes less easy to wake up early for.

One less job for me is good.  I am a lazy mom.

Several months ago I saw these cute little polished heart-shaped stones in a local store when I was getting a watch battery replaced, and had an inspiration.

They felt smooth and silky, and soothingly weighty in the palm of the hand.  I chose a particularly luminescent one whose soft blue color reminded me of the Arizona sky.

When I pulled out my wallet to pay, the store owner surprisingly gave it to me for free! A very auspicious start for a symbol that I hoped would cure all manner of ills.

Soon after acquiring The Magic Heart, my three year-old had a meltdown and was quite sad about something that I (and she) no longer recall. I gave her the heart and explained to her, and the other children, that The Magic Heart goes to whoever needs it most to remind them that they are loved.

That person must keep the heart in a safe place (I decided that nightstand drawers were where it should go since my children could lose an elephant within minutes). The recipient keeps the heart until another family member is overcome with sadness or anger, then that person passes it along to the new person in need.

As any parent of a toddler would imagine, The Magic Heart ends up most often with my three and a half year-old. I wasn’t sure she really grasped the concept of what it meant until the other night.

I was moderately grumpy after a bad day when I discovered that my children were bathing without soap or shampoo, and most likely had been for some time! I got very annoyed and washed their hair and bodies myself, all the while grumbling about how at their age they should know how to do these things themselves, blah, blah, blah.

My three year-old came to me after her bath and said: “I have something for you” … she handed me The Magic Heart from her nightstand drawer … “because you were grumpy in the bathroom.”

How to melt a Mama’s heart!!!

After overcoming the guilty feeling that even my three year-old had noticed my Mommy Tantrum, I realized that maybe The Magic Heart really was magic.

Most parents would agree that dinner preparation is the toughest time of the day. We are worn out and the kids are tired and crabby.  The easiest solution for a hard earned bit of peace is to plunk them down in front of the TV or a video in order to cook without “help” or having to play umpire.

On really bad days, I sometimes find myself too easily wanting to resort to the distraction of a video, especially with my 3 year-old who of course wants to “help” with everything, including dinner. So whenever I come across a new trick to happily and easily occupy her, I am eager to share it with others!

Several years ago I picked up some colored plastic threading and counting frogs at a yard sale. I have used them for everything from math homework to French lessons, but I just discovered a new game that my 3 year old loves: “Find the Frog!”  This is proof that we don’t need something complicated or expensive (or electronic) to entertain and teach a child.

Our frog friends come in three sizes and six colors. I simply tell my 3 year-old what to thread, for example, “medium blue,” and she does it with joy! Sometimes I get fancy and say “three large orange,” or “one small red and two medium green.”

This is so simple that most of you are probably saying “Umm … what’s so special about this?” But since it never occurred to me that this game could entrance my daughter for an hour at a time, it might not have occurred to a few of you either.

Plus, consider these benefits:

• I can work in the kitchen while playing this game with her (or be lazy and sit on the sofa and read a magazine).
• The game teaches colors, numbers, and sizes.
• Children practice remembering and following increasingly complicated instructions.
• The threading is an excellent exercise of fine motor skills.
• You could play this with almost anything that threads:  beads, thread spools, colored pasta, or buttons for example.  (Great for creatively repurposing household items!)
• Variation for non-threadable items:  have your child place certain items in an egg carton, container, or selection of dishware.  For example:  “Two blue buttons in the glass” or “One large seashell in the red bowl.”
• Make this an activity for your “Mommy I’m Bored Box!”

For more easy ideas, please read these posts about other very simple toddler pastimes that have worked for me:

• Beans – The Perfect Toy?

• How to get by Without the Electronic Babysitting Box

• Great Resource for Keeping Young Toddlers Busy!

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]]> http://unplugyourkids.com/2009/07/03/occupy-toddler-threading-frogs/feed/ 3 http://unplugyourkids.com/2008/12/03/holidays-unplugged/ http://unplugyourkids.com/2008/12/03/holidays-unplugged/#comments Thu, 04 Dec 2008 03:03:13 +0000 Mom Unplugged http://www.unplugyourkids.com/?p=1412

This is a post I should have written about two months ago. Two months ago when all the cheap plastic decorations first made their way into the supermarkets, Walmarts, Kmarts and Any-Other-Marts in the United States. Here in the U.S., shoppers have been regaled with muzak versions of The Little Drummer Boy and Silent Night since well before Halloween (October 31st) this year.

Now that we have finally gotten that pesky little Thanksgiving holiday over with, the commercial Christmas onslaught can begin in earnest.

On my Thanksgiving cross-country trip, I realized what I have been missing without TV for all these years. Ads. Hundreds and thousands of ads promising me the best Christmas ever (what is that anyway?) if only I purchase a new Best Buy flat screen TV, or Macy’s cashmere sweater, or Zales diamond necklace, or _______ (insert advertised product in blank) for my loved one.

I had forgotten what it was like. Although I had a fabulous trip, I was quite relieved when I was finally home and able to retreat to the refuge of my quiet house to end the commercial attack on my psyche.

And here comes the part that I should have written about three months ago when I first detected the initial stirrings of faux holiday jolliness in the stores:

Since many readers are probably new to Unplug Your Kids, I should let you all know that last year while suffering a holiday existential crisis, I wrote a series of posts entitled Christmas/Holidays Unplugged in which I explored alternatives to the traditional American commercial holiday experience.

I know it is a bit late now that December is already here, but if anyone is in need of a bit of inspiration, or encouragement, or alternative holiday ideas, then hopefully you might enjoy some of these posts.

I have listed them all here and linked to them so you can click on what sounds interesting to you. I hope that someone will find this helpful! 

(Also:  If you find a topic interesting, be sure to read the comments too since readers often left their own wonderful insights and suggestions.)

1) Merry Christmas

2) Unplug The Christmas Machine (a book review – very inspirational book if you are disillusioned with Christmas/Hanukkah)

3) Making a List and Checking it Twice (what does your holiday really mean to you?)

4) Holiday Prep – Part 1 (Introduction)

5) Holiday Prep – Part 2: Help! Holiday Prep Makes Me Miserable!!

6) Holiday Prep – Part 3: Help! I Love Doing it All, But How Can I Find Time to Do it?

7) Celebrating Advent

8) Commercialism in Your Mailbox?

9) A Holiday Linky Assortment

10) The Great Christmas Tree Dilemma (Real? Fake? Living? What else?)

11) Buy Handmade

12) Donate this Year Instead of Gifts

13) Santa Lists and Sponge Bob (dealing with kids’ gift requests)

14) Combating Commercials (fighting the effects of toy ads)

15) Help!  Too Much Stuff!! (ideas for cutting down on the amount of “stuff”)

16) A Post as Small as a Stocking Stuffer (“nice toy” stocking stuffer ideas)

(Thanks to Everystockphoto and phtographer”tandemracer” for this photo. View license terms here.)

]]> http://unplugyourkids.com/2008/12/03/holidays-unplugged/feed/ 3 http://unplugyourkids.com/2008/10/31/happy-halloween/ http://unplugyourkids.com/2008/10/31/happy-halloween/#comments Fri, 31 Oct 2008 22:28:51 +0000 Mom Unplugged http://www.unplugyourkids.com/?p=1317

Wondering what to do with all that candy?

Check out my Candy Fairy and Candy Bank posts for some alternatives to eating it!

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